Newmancht has re-worked the query for the novel The Anasazi Conspiracy and requested another nibbling from the Goblin. Thank you Newmancht for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
1607 B.C.: Brothers Maska and Ahote come across a curious object. Surely this golden icon must be a gift from the Sun God? Ohhh, but this prize would be woefully cursed, thrusting the Chama clan into chaos and leaving a baffling legacy behind.
1867: Surviving a horrific train crash, broken and bleeding, Stanley is desperate for help. Near death in the open, wild country of the American southwest, he stumbles across a cave. It turns out to be much more than shelter for the night when he discovers an enormous golden Shaman lurking inside, guarding a dazzling temple of untold riches. But would this knowledge die with him?
Two weeks ago: Powerful corporate magnate, Robert Bradley finds someone sniffing around one of his companies for information. Robert has hunch.
One week ago: That "someone" doesn't know he's picked up a tail, or that he'll soon be dead. Robert believes the Anasazi ruins recently uncovered by this man may lead to hidden treasures. His instincts have never been wrong before...and now he has a malicious scheme brewing.
Right now: Jake's plan never included rescuing a beautiful archeologist from the man he was hired to kill. He certainly didn't expect to be double-crossed by his shadowy employer either. There will be hell to pay.
Bradley didn't count on mistakes...or failure. Now his men have a mess to clean up.
In a malevolent twist of fate, two disparate souls are plunged into a race against time and bullets to decipher the mystery of an ancient people and stop the enemy determined to kill them. To fail means the loss of an ancient culture, incredible wealth - and death.
But Jake and Courtney never anticipated the playful banter...the intense looks...or fiery passions escalating as they grapple with coded symbols that will ultimately disclose the location of a cavern of gold and unveil a hidden chronicle that will transform known Anasazi history forever.
THE ANASAZI CONSPIRACY straddles the Historic and Adventure genres and is a complete manuscript available for review at 163K words. This is my first novel and I appreciate your consideration.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
1607 B.C.: Two brothers from the Chama clan of [modern area's name] come across a golden icon they interpret be a gift from the Sun God, but this prize will thrust the clan into chaos and leave a baffling legacy.
1867 A.D.: After surviving a horrific crash, a train engineer discovers a cave containing an enormous golden Shaman that guards a dazzling temple, but will this knowledge die with him?
Two weeks ago: A corporate magnate discovers someone hunting for information around one of his companies. He arranges for Jake [Last Name] to tail the man and, when he learns the snoop recently uncovered a set of Anasazi ruins, the magnate orders Jake to kill the snoop and then makes plans to pillage the site himself.
Right now: Jake's instructions didn't include rescuing a beautiful archeologist from the man he was hired to kill, and he didn't expect his shadowy employer to double-cross him. As Dr. Courtney [Last Name] grapples with the coded petroglyphs that will lead them to a cavern of gold and a hidden chronicle of Anasazi history, Jake must not only re-think his alliances but fight to keep thousands of years of mystery, deception and greed from ending with his own murder.
THE ANASAZI CONSPIRACY straddles the Historic and Adventure genres and is a complete manuscript available for review. This is my first novel and I appreciate your consideration.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
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