This query is from authorAlannian for the novel Alannian and the Sword of Azallyan. Thank you authorAlannian for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
~~~~~~~
ORIGINAL QUERY
Thirteen-year-old Alannian is just a prankster in his village. But when he discovers he is the next Incarnation, King Fayavor wants him dead.
For millennia, the Incarnations of the elf Elyyian have kept peace between the elves, humans and dwarves. King Fayavor believed the Incarnations held the humans back from achieving true greatness, so he used ghastly magic to kill the last Incarnation. Fifty years later, war rages throughout the land and Alannian start having dreams about the elf Elyyian.
Alannian discovers he is the Incarnation. Now the king wants him dead. He flees his village, but royal enforcers brutally kill his uncle. With closest person he had to a father dead, Alannian is more alone then he has ever been. Thankfully, an old magician hides the young boy and teaches him in the ways of the Incarnation.
With his growing powers, Alannian sets off to stop the war and the king before the races destroy each other. Servants of the king hunt Alannian and he must learn who he can trust. The lives of everyone Alannian loves are thrust into the lines of war as Fayavor pursues him. Should Alannian fail, then the war will continue and the three races will destroy each other.
ALANNIAN AND THE SWORD OF AZALLYAN is a 100,000-word young adult fantasy where the hope of a world rests on the shoulders of a boy, a prankster, a hero. My book will appeal to the fans Christopher Paolini's INHERITANCE CYCLE. I am working on two follow up novels.
~~~~~~~
GOBLIN-EDIT
For millennia, the Incarnations of the elf Elyyian have kept peace between the elves, humans and dwarves. King Fayavor believed the Incarnations held the humans back from achieving true greatness, so he used ghastly magic to kill the last Incarnation. Fifty years later, war rages throughout the land, and Alannian--a thirteen-year-old prankster in a small village--has just started having dreams about the elf Elyyian.
[Something specific happens so that Alannian know he is the Incarnation.] [Something specific happens so that Fayavor learns Alannian is the Incarnation.] Alannian flees his village, but royal enforcers brutally kill his family, and Alannian is left grief-stricken and vulnerable. An old magician hides the boy and teaches him about the Incarnations, and Alannian realizes he must soon accept his destiny instead of running.
As the lives of everyone Alannian loves are drawn into the war, the boy sets off to stop King Fayavor. Alannian knows that if he fails, it will mean more than his own death--for without an Incarnation, the three races will destroy each other and leave the world in ruin.
ALANNIAN AND THE SWORD OF AZALLYAN is a 100,000-word young adult fantasy with series potential. My book will appeal to the fans Christopher Paolini's INHERITANCE CYCLE. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
