Today, YOU are the Query Goblin!
The Goblin's alter ego, J. J. DeBenedictis, will be querying a novel soon, titled The Blooddrinker and the War Angel, and she'd very much appreciate your help in crafting a strong query letter. Please say, in the comment section, what you think could be improved in the following query--and thank you in advance for your willingness to help!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
On a planet once knocked from the space age to the stone age by war angels—humanity's most lethal and ungrateful inventions—genetic engineering has split the population into two species and an attempt at genocide is about to split it into three.
As a doctor and a pacifist, Wykham devotes his life to helping others, but when he tries to save a suicidal woman, he ends up infected with her 'blooddrinker' disease. Now only able to eat human flesh, Wykham believes killing himself the sole moral option, but before he can, a group determined to keep him alive kidnaps Wykham.
Baffled why anyone would provide charity to cannibals, Wykham soon learns the 'minority humans' who captured him used the remains of their ancestor’s technology to create the blooddrinker disease. Their virus only infects 'majority humans', and they intend to use it to eliminate that rival population.
Furious his life was destroyed so he could be turned into a weapon, Wykham tries to escape but is caught, chained, and left to starve in the sub-basements of his captors’ citadel. There, however, he discovers the minority humans’ most dangerous secret: They use a captured war angel to power their technology.
Wykham, with his freakish blooddrinker strength, is a match for the dying war angel, and they decide to team up long enough to escape. Once free, however, the war angel rampages through the minority humans’ home seeking vengeance—and more. Instead of fleeing the planet, as Wykham hoped, the war angel intends to become a god over it.
With humanity’s worst nightmare returned, and everybody he loves facing slavery, Wykham must put aside his self-loathing and scruples to accept that sometimes a monster is the only available hero, and sometimes a pacifist must fight.
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YOUR-EDIT
Please tell me your thoughts in the comments, and thank you in advance to all who donate their time and expertise to helping me improve this query. I very much appreciate it!
ETA: New version now up in the comments!
ETA the second: An even newer version now up in the comments!
ETA the third: Is the third time the charm? In the comments, you can tell me!
