This query is from Adam Heine for his novel Air Pirates. Thank you Adam for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
For Hagai's 17th birthday, he receives a stone that gives him visions of the future. His mother sent it, but he can't figure out how, since she was killed almost ten years ago. Hagai's not exactly a hero -- the bravest thing he's ever done is put peppers in his stew -- yet when the stone shows his mother alive and in danger, he sets out to find her.
Air pirates and sky sailors come after him, and it's not long before a wanted sky'ler named Sam nicks the stone. Unable to find his mother without it, Hagai tracks Sam down and demands it back -- politely, of course, because Sam's got a knife.
Oddly, Sam offers him a job.
Sam needs someone non-threatening to get some information, and he figures Hagai is as non-threatening as they come. Hagai resents that but agrees, intending to turn Sam in at the first opportunity. But when a seer says Sam is the key to finding his mother, Hagai must choose between his mother and the law.
So in spite of himself, Hagai becomes crew to a fugitive, on the run from both pirates and police, toward some island he's never heard of. He doesn't trust Sam, and the stone haunts Hagai with visions of his own death. Nonetheless, he's determined to change the future and find his mother, if it's not already too late.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
For his 17th birthday, Hagai receives from his mother a stone that gives visions. The thing is, Hagai thought his mother was killed ten years ago.
The bravest thing Hagai's ever done is put peppers in his stew -- yet when the stone shows his mother alive and in danger, he sets out to find her. Drawn by [some attribute of the stone], sky sailors come after him, and it's not long before a wanted air pirate named Sam nicks the stone. Hagai tracks Sam down and demands it back -- politely, of course; Sam's got a knife. Instead, Sam offers him a job.
Sam needs someone non-threatening to get some information, and Hagai is as non-threatening as they come. Hagai agrees, intending to turn Sam in at the first opportunity, but when a seer says Sam is the key to finding Hagai's mother, the boy must choose his mother's life above the law.
On the run from both pirates and police, and headed toward some island he's never heard of, Hagai finds he doesn't trust Sam -- but this doesn't bother him half as much as the stone's latest visions.
According to them, if Hagai doesn't find a way to change the future, it's not only his mother who will die. It'll be Hagai too.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion!
