This query is from Kay for the novel Orion: The Reunion. Thank you Kay for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
NOTE: In order to provide the Goblin with as much raw material to work with as possible (much appreciated; thank you!), the author has submitted two versions of her query. Both are posted below:
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ORIGINAL QUERY
Version One:
Twenty two year old Aaly Bennett believes that God doesn’t play dice. But it takes five broken bones, a serious concussion and a foot long scar to convince the fake ‘magical squib’ to start the journey to meet her magical destiny.
An inexperienced novice from Cubes, the Magical Council of San Francisco, Aaly loves her regular human life. She knows little of the Legend of the Fallen - 1073 unidentified exceptionally powerful magical beings brutally massacred on the same night 25 years ago after being betrayed by one of their own. She had not even heard of the stolen Ven element, Prian, in possession of the faceless leader of the Dark Forces, Ygorr. Once unlocked by the last of the Fallen, the element will give the Dark Forces complete access and control over 7 billion human souls who are yet to consciously unlock the magic within
But Aaly’s regular lifestyle goes out the window when an allegedly dead man, also a frequent participant in her recurring nightmares, steps in front of her car. Aaly is blamed for the consequent 10 car pile up and is determined to find the truth. On this seemingly simple quest, Aaly gets help from different magical realms including her best friend, a helpful but ‘I am superior than thou’ Dak officer and a runaway blue blooded Ven.
Instead, Aaly and her friends get involved in a race between the Ministry of Magic and Ygorr that will determine the fate of not just all magical beings but also the entire humanity. Only Aaly with her unique connection to the Fallen can unmask the traitor of the Fallen and find the eventual resting place of the collective powers of the Fallen in time to use them to defeat Ygorr and the rising Dark Army.
At 95,000 words, ORION: THE REUNION tracks Aaly and her friends work across borders and cultures, human and magical, to find their feet in a new, darker magical world where all the answers lie within and each must make his or her own journey.
Version Two:
Twenty two year old Aaly Bennett believes that God doesn’t play dice. But it takes five broken bones, a serious concussion and a foot long scar to convince Aaly to ditch her ‘almost magical squib’ lifestyle and embrace her magical destiny.
An inexperienced novice from Cubes, the Magical Council of San Francisco, Aaly is on a seemingly simple quest: To find out the identities of the people in her recurring nightmares and why are they haunting her day and night. Especially after one of them steps in front of her car in broad day light and causes a ten car pile up for which she is blamed. The Fallen might be the people Aaly is looking for - hereto unidentified 1073 exceptionally powerful magical beings brutally massacred 25 year ago after an alleged betrayal by one of their own. Her partners in this quest hail from different magical realms and include her best friend, a helpful but ‘I am superior than thou’ Dak officer and a runaway blue blooded Ven.
But Ygorr, the faceless leader of the Dark Forces, is also looking for the last of the Fallen to unlock a stolen Ven element and help overthrow the Ministry of Magic, the authority on all matters in the happily coexisting magical and human worlds on Earth. Defeating the darkness becomes more personal and not just about survival when Aaly’s father is exposed as the person who betrayed the Fallen and Aaly’s real connection to the Fallen is revealed.
At 95,000 words, ORION: THE REUNION follows Aaly and her friends across borders and cultures, human and magical, as they find their feet in a new darker magical world where all the answers lie within and each journey must be made alone.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
Aaly loves her regular human life, but that goes out the window--and so does Aaly--when an allegedly dead man and frequent participant in her recurring nightmares steps in front of her car.
Badly injured and blamed for the resulting ten car pile-up, Aaly decides it's time to embrace her magical heritage and find out why this man haunts her dreams. Aided by her highly aggravating best friend and a runaway from another world, Aaly learns the man of her nightmares may be one of The Fallen--a group of San Franciscan magic users massacred decades ago after a betrayal by one of their own.
But Aaly isn't the only one after more information. Ygorr, a slick sociopath with a big plan, has realized the collective powers of The Fallen did not die with their owners, and the person who gains possession of that cache will also possess the key to controlling seven billion human souls who have yet to consciously unlock their own magic.
When Ygorr learns Aaly's father was the one who betrayed The Fallen, Aaly must scramble not only to stay free but to attain The Fallen's powers for herself. Suddenly, accepting her magical heritage isn't just an inconvenience--it's the only way Aaly will prevent Ygorr destroying her belovedly mundane human world.
Orion: The Reunion, a 95,000 word fantasy, tracks a lively heroine across borders and cultures both human and magical. The full manuscript is available on request; I look forward to hearing from you.
Have any thoughts about either the original(s) or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
