This query is from an anonymous author for the YA paranormal novel A Question of Faith. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
~~~~~~~
ORIGINAL QUERY
Fifteen-year-old Crystal Miller isn’t a Bible thumper, but how can she not believe in God when He answers nearly all of her prayers? Learning her birthmother sought the help of witches to conceive her shakes her previously unwavering faith. Since curiosity isn't a sin, she tracks down the witches and learns she's the incarnation of magic. Supposedly, that makes her the only person whose magical potential is limitless.
Crystal can’t believe her birthmother fell for such nonsense and vows to forget about magic, but when her boyfriend’s mom is seriously injured, she’s tempted to do more than just pray. Surely God won’t mind if she’s using magic to help people. After her boyfriend's mother miraculously recovers, Crystal doesn't know who saved her. Despite worrying her magic will damn her to Hell or, worse, that she doesn’t even have a soul to condemn, she sets out to master her power. Unfortunately, flying and playing with fireballs attracts dangerous attention. When a witch hunter captures her boyfriend and shamans snatch her aunt in an effort to control her, Crystal can no longer ignore who she really is. But she’s still new to magic and if she can't figure out what she's capable of, forget about saving those she loves--she just might start the apocalypse.
A QUESTION OF FAITH is an 87,000-word YA paranormal novel with series potential.
~~~~~~~
GOBLIN-EDIT
Fifteen-year-old Crystal Miller isn’t a Bible thumper, but how can she not believe in God when He answers nearly all her prayers? However, when she learns her birthmother sought the help of witches to conceive her, Crystal's previously unwavering faith is shaken. She tracks down the witches and learns she's the incarnation of magic. Supposedly, that makes her the only person whose magical potential is limitless.
Which means when her boyfriend’s mom is seriously injured, Crystal's tempted to do more than just pray. Surely God won’t mind her using magic to help people? But the woman's miraculous recovery leaves Crystal wondering who really saved her. She also worries magic will damn her to Hell or, worse, prove Crystal has no soul to condemn.
[Something happens to make her decide to] master her power, but flying and playing with fireballs attracts dangerous attention. A witch hunter captures her boyfriend, and shamans snatch her aunt in an effort to control Crystal. She might be still be new to magic, but Crystal needs to figure out what she's capable of, because if she doesn't, she won't merely fail to save those she loves--she might just start the apocalypse.
A QUESTION OF FAITH is an 87,000-word YA paranormal novel with series potential.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Query #50: "Blame It On Meryl" by Anonymous (women's fiction)
~~~~~~~
ORIGINAL QUERY
No matter how hard Laura Sanders, the heroine of my completed 97,250-word women’s fiction manuscript, BLAME IT ON MERYL, pretends to lead a glamorous life - working as a TV producer, living in a luxury condo in Los Angeles and travelling the world - the shame of being a virgin at age 28 makes it all meaningless. She’s resigned to live a dull, uneventful life in the company of a few close friends and her disinterested cat. Then she sees Mamma Mia and - wham! - Laura feels as if Meryl Streep dances off the screen to wake her from her slumber. The actress plays the role with such energy and gusto, exactly what has been missing in Laura’s life.
If only Laura could have Meryl Streep in her life; surely she could guide her to a place where such joy is possible. But what if she can? Laura invents a fantasy starring herself as the intern set photographer for Mamma Mia. It gives her a chance to live the fun and exciting life of a Hollywood movie set and more importantly, access to Meryl’s wisdom and friendship. Back in reality things aren’t so bad either. Laura gets a promotion that brings her into Natalie’s and Vera’s orbit. These women are a different species to her. Whereas she and her best friend Sophia know every Danish director of the dogma movement, Natalie and Vera know every variety of vibrator on the market. Now with Meryl at her side, Laura has the confidence to move in their circle without fear of being caught as the loser that she knows she is.
Seeing herself through the eyes of an imaginary Meryl Streep, Laura learns to accept and love herself. She embarks on a journey to discover her own sexuality. But soon her fantasy world becomes too appealing and Laura begins to lose touch with her reality. Will she be able to take what she learns from her fantasy life and rediscover the very real possibility of love that awaits her? Or will she lose touch forever?
~~~~~~~
GOBLIN-EDIT
Laura Sanders produces TV in Los Angeles, lives in a luxury condo, and travels the world, but her glamorous life feels like a sham because Laura is also a 28-year-old virgin with few friends and an emotionally distant cat. She's resigned to her dull, lonely existence, so it's a shock when reality isn't the thing that finally wakes Laura up -- fantasy is.
The film Mamma Mia hits Laura like a stampede of ABBA fans, with Meryl Streep seeming to dance off the screen to show Laura all the joy and passion her own life lacks. Laura begins fantasizing about being an intern on the movie set, enjoying the fun of Hollywood while benefiting from Meryl's wisdom and friendship. Then Laura's reality takes an exciting turn too.
A promotion draws her into a new circle of friends -- ones more likely to discuss vibrators than Danish directors. With imaginary-Meryl by her side, Laura has the confidence to move into their ranks without fear of being caught out as the loser she knows she is. She begins exploring her sexuality and reawakens to the possibility that love awaits her, but Laura also finds her bright daydreams have a dark side.
For fantasies are more intoxicating than reality, and Laura is starting to get lost in hers. If she doesn't start taking what she's learned from her imaginary life, and using it to connect with real people soon, Laura is in danger of losing touch with reality permanently.
BLAME IT ON MERYL is a 97,000-word women's fiction novel. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)