Shuttered!  
Due to this site being veeeery quiet (to the point I occasionally forget it exists) I've decided to officially shutter the Query Goblin blog. I will no longer be massaging queries here. 

Thanks to everyone who has participated, and best of luck in your querying!

Query #54: YA Fantasy by Anonymous

This query is for a YA Fantasy from an anonymous writer. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Seventeen-year-old Ivy Chapel doesn’t realize she’s an archangel with amnesia who unknowingly possesses the healing power for all mankind. While trying to remember her past, Ivy must guard her heart and soul against the enemies standing in her way.

Fairy tales and folklore. That’s what it sounds like to Ivy when her parents’ new tenant, handsome and arrogant William, tells the strangest story about an angel being hidden on Earth in the form of a baby. A child forced by her spiritual parents to remain human until the rebellion of Lucifer ended, making it safe for her to return home.

But something went terribly wrong. Ivy was left stranded on Earth and now finds herself the target of a very dangerous demonic being, Lucian. Lucian’s charming, sophisticated and he has orders to kill Ivy and take possession of her healing power so he and his legion, The Fallen, can finally extinguish the human race.

William is the warrior angel sent to protect Ivy. He is also her true love, created to be by her side for eternity. Unable to reveal who or what he is, William is painfully aware that if he fails to shield Ivy she will be lost to him forever.

Falling under Lucian’s spell, Ivy resists William’s efforts to befriend her and ignores the emotions he constantly stirs in her. Ivy finds herself caught between William’s true love and her misplaced loyalty to Lucian.

William wants her heart. Lucian wants her soul. Will she be able to survive them both and save the world?

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Seventeen-year-old Ivy Chapel doesn’t realize she’s an archangel with amnesia, but her parents’ new tenant, the handsome and arrogant William, just told her the strangest story of an angel hidden on Earth to keep her healing powers safe until Lucifer's rebellion ends.

William is the warrior angel sent to protect Ivy, but also her true love, created to be by her side for eternity. Unable to reveal what he is, William is painfully aware he could lose Ivy forever. She's falling under the spell of Lucian, a charming demonic being with orders to kill Ivy and take her healing power so he and his legion, The Fallen, can finally extinguish the human race.

Caught between William’s true love and her misplaced loyalty to Lucian, Ivy resists William’s efforts to befriend her and ignores the emotions he constantly stirs in her. William wants her heart. Lucian wants her soul. Will she be able to survive them both and save the world?

Please see further comments from the Query Goblin in the comment thread!

Blurb #53: "Fat Girl! A Love Story" by Leigh Carron

This query is from Leigh Carron for the novel Fat Girl! A Love Story. Thank you, Leigh Carron, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Life isn’t perfect. But, for Child Advocate, Deeana Chase it’s tracking along nicely. She loves her work, the little house she’s bought near the lake, and her two amazing best friends. And finally, after years of heartache and soul searching, Dee has buried her past and made a tenuous peace with food, her body… and herself.

Until...

Her ex, the very sexy and now famous Micah Peters appears out of the blue unearthing old ghosts and unlocking long held secrets. Plunged into her worst nightmare, Dee finds herself torn between professional duty and self preservation. In helping his twelve-year-old nephew caught in a custody battle, she must resist the one man who once had the power to nearly destroy her.

Only…

A food compulsion proves easier to control than her desire for Mick. But as Dee gives into sensual temptation, she is forced to uncover some startling truths about Mick and herself. Will the truth set her “fat girl” free or will insecurities forever keep her heart imprisoned?

This powerfully erotic and moving story about united lovers takes you on an exciting journey to answer the age-old question, can love conquer all.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Life isn’t perfect, but for Child Advocate Deeana Chase, it’s tracking along nicely. She loves her work, the little lake house she just bought, and her two amazing best friends. And -- finally -- Dee has made a tenuous peace with food, her body, and herself.

But that peace is threatened when a twelve-year-old she's helping through a custody battle proves to be the nephew of her ex, the very sexy and now famous Micah Peters. Micah's words once had the power to destroy Dee, but a food compulsion is easier to control than her desire for this man. Torn between professional duty and self-preservation, Dee starts to give in to sensual temptation.

But in doing so, she uncovers startling truths about Micah and herself. Will the truth set her “fat girl” free, or will insecurity forever imprison Dee's heart?


Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!

Goblin Caveat: Some elements that may not be accurate for the novel have been added to this edited version of the query.

Query #52: "A Drive of Dragons" by Mary-J-59 (middle grade fantasy)

This query is from Mary-J-59 for the novel A Drive of Dragons. Thank you, Mary-J-59, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

At nearly fourteen, Verity is old enough to know that being a princess isn’t all honey and roses and beautiful horses. Princesses and princes must protect their people, too. When fire-breathing dragons invaded the kingdom of Patria generations earlier, only the princess could make them vanish. But no one knows exactly how, for that legendary princess vanished along with the dragons.

Now huge, fire-breathing lizards have invaded once more, and Verity knows she confront them. After she escapes from the palace and finds her way to the mountains, she meets young prince Frank of Halland, a country she’s never heard of which is also beset by dragons. The two teens come across a little dragon who tells them why the dragons are devouring people’s crops. A powerful, greedy dragon called Blackstone is hoarding all their food, and they’re starving. Verity hopes most sincerely that Blackstone doesn’t enjoy munching on maidens of royal blood, but she’s got to face him even if he wants to eat her. If she can’t persuade Blackstone to change his ways, the other dragons and the people of Patria and Halland will all suffer. It’s up to her to rescue everyone from the wicked Blackstone. But, as far as she knows, her only weapons are her sharp mind, her sense of duty, and a pair of embroidery scissors. And – that other princess never came back.

A Drive of Dragons is middle-grade fiction, complete at 35,000 words. Verity and Frank are the viewpoint characters. This story should appeal to readers who like classic tales such as The Reluctant Dragon and Farmer Giles of Ham. I hope readers of Cressida Cowell’s wonderful series will enjoy A Drive of Dragons, too. I look forward to hearing from you.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

At nearly fourteen, Verity knows being a princess isn’t all roses and beautiful horses. Princesses must protect their people, too. Generations ago, fire-breathing dragons invaded Verity's kingdom, and a legendary princess made them vanish. But no one knows how, for the princess vanished along with the dragons. Now Verity must figure out what that princess did, because the dragons are back.

Verity escapes from her lizard-besieged palace and finds her way to the mountains, where she meets young prince Frank. His country is also beset by dragons, and the two teens meet a little dragon who tells them why the dragons are devouring people’s crops. A greedy dragon called Blackstone is hoarding all their food, and they’re starving.

Verity hopes Blackstone doesn’t enjoy munching on royal maidens, but she’s got to face him even if he does. It’s up to her to rescue everyone, and her only weapons are her sharp mind, her sense of duty, and a pair of embroidery scissors. But working against Verity are her fears--because that other princess never came back!

A Drive of Dragons is middle-grade fiction, complete at 35,000 words. This story will appeal to readers who enjoy classic tales like The Reluctant Dragon and Farmer Giles of Ham, and to readers of Cressida Cowell’s wonderful How to Train Your Dragon series. I look forward to hearing from you.


Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!

Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!

Query #51: "A Question of Faith" by Anonymous (YA Paranormal)

This query is from an anonymous author for the YA paranormal novel A Question of Faith. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Fifteen-year-old Crystal Miller isn’t a Bible thumper, but how can she not believe in God when He answers nearly all of her prayers? Learning her birthmother sought the help of witches to conceive her shakes her previously unwavering faith. Since curiosity isn't a sin, she tracks down the witches and learns she's the incarnation of magic. Supposedly, that makes her the only person whose magical potential is limitless.

Crystal can’t believe her birthmother fell for such nonsense and vows to forget about magic, but when her boyfriend’s mom is seriously injured, she’s tempted to do more than just pray. Surely God won’t mind if she’s using magic to help people. After her boyfriend's mother miraculously recovers, Crystal doesn't know who saved her. Despite worrying her magic will damn her to Hell or, worse, that she doesn’t even have a soul to condemn, she sets out to master her power. Unfortunately, flying and playing with fireballs attracts dangerous attention. When a witch hunter captures her boyfriend and shamans snatch her aunt in an effort to control her, Crystal can no longer ignore who she really is. But she’s still new to magic and if she can't figure out what she's capable of, forget about saving those she loves--she just might start the apocalypse.

A QUESTION OF FAITH is an 87,000-word YA paranormal novel with series potential.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Fifteen-year-old Crystal Miller isn’t a Bible thumper, but how can she not believe in God when He answers nearly all her prayers? However, when she learns her birthmother sought the help of witches to conceive her, Crystal's previously unwavering faith is shaken. She tracks down the witches and learns she's the incarnation of magic. Supposedly, that makes her the only person whose magical potential is limitless.

Which means when her boyfriend’s mom is seriously injured, Crystal's tempted to do more than just pray. Surely God won’t mind her using magic to help people? But the woman's miraculous recovery leaves Crystal wondering who really saved her. She also worries magic will damn her to Hell or, worse, prove Crystal has no soul to condemn.

[Something happens to make her decide to] master her power, but flying and playing with fireballs attracts dangerous attention. A witch hunter captures her boyfriend, and shamans snatch her aunt in an effort to control Crystal. She might be still be new to magic, but Crystal needs to figure out what she's capable of, because if she doesn't, she won't merely fail to save those she loves--she might just start the apocalypse.

A QUESTION OF FAITH is an 87,000-word YA paranormal novel with series potential.


Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!

Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!

Query #50: "Blame It On Meryl" by Anonymous (women's fiction)

This query is from an anonymous author for the women's fiction novel Blame It On Meryl. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

No matter how hard Laura Sanders, the heroine of my completed 97,250-word women’s fiction manuscript, BLAME IT ON MERYL, pretends to lead a glamorous life - working as a TV producer, living in a luxury condo in Los Angeles and travelling the world - the shame of being a virgin at age 28 makes it all meaningless. She’s resigned to live a dull, uneventful life in the company of a few close friends and her disinterested cat. Then she sees Mamma Mia and - wham! - Laura feels as if Meryl Streep dances off the screen to wake her from her slumber. The actress plays the role with such energy and gusto, exactly what has been missing in Laura’s life.

If only Laura could have Meryl Streep in her life; surely she could guide her to a place where such joy is possible. But what if she can? Laura invents a fantasy starring herself as the intern set photographer for Mamma Mia. It gives her a chance to live the fun and exciting life of a Hollywood movie set and more importantly, access to Meryl’s wisdom and friendship. Back in reality things aren’t so bad either. Laura gets a promotion that brings her into Natalie’s and Vera’s orbit. These women are a different species to her. Whereas she and her best friend Sophia know every Danish director of the dogma movement, Natalie and Vera know every variety of vibrator on the market. Now with Meryl at her side, Laura has the confidence to move in their circle without fear of being caught as the loser that she knows she is.

Seeing herself through the eyes of an imaginary Meryl Streep, Laura learns to accept and love herself. She embarks on a journey to discover her own sexuality. But soon her fantasy world becomes too appealing and Laura begins to lose touch with her reality. Will she be able to take what she learns from her fantasy life and rediscover the very real possibility of love that awaits her? Or will she lose touch forever?

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Laura Sanders produces TV in Los Angeles, lives in a luxury condo, and travels the world, but her glamorous life feels like a sham because Laura is also a 28-year-old virgin with few friends and an emotionally distant cat. She's resigned to her dull, lonely existence, so it's a shock when reality isn't the thing that finally wakes Laura up -- fantasy is.

The film Mamma Mia hits Laura like a stampede of ABBA fans, with Meryl Streep seeming to dance off the screen to show Laura all the joy and passion her own life lacks. Laura begins fantasizing about being an intern on the movie set, enjoying the fun of Hollywood while benefiting from Meryl's wisdom and friendship. Then Laura's reality takes an exciting turn too.

A promotion draws her into a new circle of friends -- ones more likely to discuss vibrators than Danish directors. With imaginary-Meryl by her side, Laura has the confidence to move into their ranks without fear of being caught out as the loser she knows she is. She begins exploring her sexuality and reawakens to the possibility that love awaits her, but Laura also finds her bright daydreams have a dark side.

For fantasies are more intoxicating than reality, and Laura is starting to get lost in hers. If she doesn't start taking what she's learned from her imaginary life, and using it to connect with real people soon, Laura is in danger of losing touch with reality permanently.

BLAME IT ON MERYL is a 97,000-word women's fiction novel. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.


Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!

Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!

Query #49: "The Unity" by BubbleGumBetch

This query is from BubbleGumBetch for the novel The Unity. Thank you, BubbleGumBetch, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

20-year-old Marina Sonamreg has a lot on her shoulders: the death of her Gran, getting rid of her sleazy boyfriend Flenn, figuring out if she should go to University or not, and as you can see the list goes on. On top of all of that, Marina is convinced she is the only person that can see the strange activity occurring in the Unity, which is the tight-knit society she lives in: teenage kids are destructing public property, purple-masked figures running around the streets, and gas leaks are all re-occuring events that no one else seems to notice except for Marina.

Frequent nightmares are blending in with reality, which leaves Marina confused about what is real and what might be a result of her delusions. Even her best friend Nia advises her to seek help, and as the alienation from her friends makes her start to feel like she is going mental, Marina falls in love with a tall, blue-eyed boy named Taite. As a member of the “Guardians” protection system, Taite sees and knows about the problems that occur on the "Border" wall and he slowly begins to tell Marina that something supernatural is trying to break into their world—and it might be too late before Marina can do anything to stop it.

I have written my debut novel entitled "The Unity," which is a humorous Young Adult, Romance novel that has soft elements of Sci-Fi, and runs at 98,000 words. I believe it will appeal to readers who love fast-paced stories that are suspenseful, and although she is in the process of figuring out herself, Marina is a strong, independent girl that has the potential to serve as a great role model for women of all ages.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

20-year-old Marina Sonamreg is convinced she's the only person who can see the strange activity in the Unity, the tight-knit society she lives in. Teenage kids are destroying public property, purple-masked figures run in the streets, and gas leaks keep erupting, but no one except Marina seems to notice.

No one but Taite, the tall, blue-eyed boy who serves with the "Guardians" protection system. Taite tells Marina something supernatural is trying to break into the Unity, and it might be too late to stop it.

[Here, you need more description of the plot. What can Marina do to help the situation, and what does she try to do? What gets in her way? How do those obstacles make the situation worse? And finally, what's the worst situation Marina will find herself in? What will be at stake? What will be her choices? (Also, try to weave in how Taite becomes a love interest, since you state this is a romance.)]

THE UNITY is a 98,000-word Young Adult romance. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.


Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!

Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!