This query is from an anonymous author for the middle grade novel The Queen of Camp Respecto. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
Eleven-year-old Typer Stockton doesn’t want to be labeled as a troublemaker. Unfortunately, the only time people pay attention to her is when she causes a scene. When she’s sent to the principal’s office on the last day of fifth grade, Typer hopes her parents will finally hear her out. Instead, they register her immediately for Camp Respecto, a “behavior camp” hours away from home. Her summer is doomed.
Camp Respecto totally bites at first, but as the weeks go by, Typer begins making friends and confiding in the counselors. She can hardly believe it: people are listening to her for once. But why hasn’t anybody listened before? How come her parents would rather drop her off at a lame old camp than give her a chance? Aided by her new friends, Typer sets out to find the truth behind why she’s at Camp Respecto—and that will require breaking some major camp rules.
THE QUEEN OF CAMP RESPECTO is a 37,000-word middle grade novel.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
Eleven-year-old Typer Stockton doesn’t want to be a troublemaker, but the only time people pay attention to her is when she causes a scene. When she’s sent to the principal’s office on the last day of fifth grade, Typer hopes her parents will finally hear her out. Instead, they register her for Camp Respecto, a “behavior camp” hours from home.
At first, Camp Respecto totally bites, but as the weeks go by, Typer begins making friends and confiding in the counselors. People are listening to her for once! But why hasn’t anybody listened before?
Aided by her new friends, Typer sets out to find the truth behind why she’s at Camp Respecto—and that will require troublemaking like never before as she breaks some major camp rules.
THE QUEEN OF CAMP RESPECTO is a 37,000-word middle grade novel.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Query #40: "The Girl in the Mirror" by Sara (YA Fantasy)
This query is from Sara for the YA fantasy The Girl in the Mirror. Thank you, Sara, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
Daela Stark has no magic in her, a revelation which plunges her status from noble to the scrap on every beggar’s shoe. When she witnesses her half-brother’s kidnapping by an enemy long forgotten, no one believes her -- no one except Trey, her brother’s favorite smuggler and sometimes friend. But help is scarce, and even a coward who turned on his people’s faith to escape imprisonment is better than nothing.
With Trey as a guide, Daela tracks her brother into Ethra, the desolate world where Trey’s people have been incarcerated for centuries. There, they learn that the spell used to create Ethra has become unstable, and that the world itself is consuming its inhabitants. With death courting their every step, Daela finds herself growing closer to Trey, and must let go of her prejudices and realize that neither he nor his people are the vile monsters she’d grown up believing.
But getting into Ethra turns out to be the easy part. Now they have to get out, and Daela’s escape plan is still a work in progress. To make matters worse, Daela finds out that her brother’s kidnapper plans to sacrifice him in a dark ritual that will unravel the spell and free everyone from the lethal world. Daela must make a choice: let her brother die, or condemn a race she once despised to the same fate.
THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR is a 70,000 word YA fantasy with series potential.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
When Daela Stark witnesses her half-brother’s kidnapping by an enemy long forgotten, no one believes her except Trey, her brother’s favorite inter-dimensional smuggler.
With Trey as a guide, Daela tracks her brother into Ethra, the desolate world where Trey’s people have been incarcerated for centuries. She learns the spell used to create Ethra is unstable, and the world itself is consuming its inhabitants. Daela also realizes she's developing feelings for Trey, which makes her dilemma all the worse when she learns the kidnapper's plan is to sacrifice Daela's brother in a dark ritual that will unravel the spell and free everyone from Ethra. Daela can either let her brother die, or condemn Trey's people.
Even if she does the selfish thing, there's no guarantee she won't get Trey and her brother killed anyway. Getting into Ethra was the easy part. Daela hasn't admitted to anyone that her escape plan is still a work in progress.
THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR is a 70,000 word YA fantasy with series potential.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
~~~~~~~
ORIGINAL QUERY
Daela Stark has no magic in her, a revelation which plunges her status from noble to the scrap on every beggar’s shoe. When she witnesses her half-brother’s kidnapping by an enemy long forgotten, no one believes her -- no one except Trey, her brother’s favorite smuggler and sometimes friend. But help is scarce, and even a coward who turned on his people’s faith to escape imprisonment is better than nothing.
With Trey as a guide, Daela tracks her brother into Ethra, the desolate world where Trey’s people have been incarcerated for centuries. There, they learn that the spell used to create Ethra has become unstable, and that the world itself is consuming its inhabitants. With death courting their every step, Daela finds herself growing closer to Trey, and must let go of her prejudices and realize that neither he nor his people are the vile monsters she’d grown up believing.
But getting into Ethra turns out to be the easy part. Now they have to get out, and Daela’s escape plan is still a work in progress. To make matters worse, Daela finds out that her brother’s kidnapper plans to sacrifice him in a dark ritual that will unravel the spell and free everyone from the lethal world. Daela must make a choice: let her brother die, or condemn a race she once despised to the same fate.
THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR is a 70,000 word YA fantasy with series potential.
~~~~~~~
GOBLIN-EDIT
When Daela Stark witnesses her half-brother’s kidnapping by an enemy long forgotten, no one believes her except Trey, her brother’s favorite inter-dimensional smuggler.
With Trey as a guide, Daela tracks her brother into Ethra, the desolate world where Trey’s people have been incarcerated for centuries. She learns the spell used to create Ethra is unstable, and the world itself is consuming its inhabitants. Daela also realizes she's developing feelings for Trey, which makes her dilemma all the worse when she learns the kidnapper's plan is to sacrifice Daela's brother in a dark ritual that will unravel the spell and free everyone from Ethra. Daela can either let her brother die, or condemn Trey's people.
Even if she does the selfish thing, there's no guarantee she won't get Trey and her brother killed anyway. Getting into Ethra was the easy part. Daela hasn't admitted to anyone that her escape plan is still a work in progress.
THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR is a 70,000 word YA fantasy with series potential.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Query #39: YA Novel by Anonymous
This query is from an anonymous author for a (YA, I think) novel with a secret title. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
As the only human and female in a pack of werewolves, Danika Keller has never felt like she belonged. Ever since she watched the class pet die and felt its bones breaking as if they were under her own skin. She hasn’t fit in at school or at home.
When she meets a mysterious boy with a healing touch and a starving mountain lion talks to her, Dani begins to suspect she is something more than human.
But nothing could have prepared her for the truth – Dani is heir to the Animal Kingdom and is the key to ending a deadly thousand-year feud. Now Dani will discover how far she will go to save a broken realm and those she cares about, from an evil court and . . . choose between the love of two boys; a Prince whose marriage to will help end the war or a werewolf who has sworn to serve her.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
As the only human in a pack of werewolves, Danika Keller just doesn't belong. But when she meets a boy with a healing touch, and a starving mountain lion talks to her, Dani realizes she's more than she ever suspected.
Dani is heir to the Animal Kingdom. If she [doesn't get involved in stopping their big feud], [something awful happens, preferably to someone she has grown to like]. Dani [does something to try to help the situation], but [something goes wrong with that plan, which makes things worse.] She [tries something else to make things better], but [obstacles again arise, again making the situation even more dangerous.]
Now, Dani must [make some horrible choice or place herself/her loved ones in danger] or [something really awful happens to both her and her loved ones.]
(See the comments section for my suggestions on how to fill in the blanks!)
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
~~~~~~~
ORIGINAL QUERY
As the only human and female in a pack of werewolves, Danika Keller has never felt like she belonged. Ever since she watched the class pet die and felt its bones breaking as if they were under her own skin. She hasn’t fit in at school or at home.
When she meets a mysterious boy with a healing touch and a starving mountain lion talks to her, Dani begins to suspect she is something more than human.
But nothing could have prepared her for the truth – Dani is heir to the Animal Kingdom and is the key to ending a deadly thousand-year feud. Now Dani will discover how far she will go to save a broken realm and those she cares about, from an evil court and . . . choose between the love of two boys; a Prince whose marriage to will help end the war or a werewolf who has sworn to serve her.
~~~~~~~
GOBLIN-EDIT
As the only human in a pack of werewolves, Danika Keller just doesn't belong. But when she meets a boy with a healing touch, and a starving mountain lion talks to her, Dani realizes she's more than she ever suspected.
Dani is heir to the Animal Kingdom. If she [doesn't get involved in stopping their big feud], [something awful happens, preferably to someone she has grown to like]. Dani [does something to try to help the situation], but [something goes wrong with that plan, which makes things worse.] She [tries something else to make things better], but [obstacles again arise, again making the situation even more dangerous.]
Now, Dani must [make some horrible choice or place herself/her loved ones in danger] or [something really awful happens to both her and her loved ones.]
(See the comments section for my suggestions on how to fill in the blanks!)
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
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