Query #45: "The Royal Mews", by Wilkins MacQueen

This query is from Wilkins MacQueen for the novel The Royal Mews. Thank you, Wilkins MacQueen, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

The Royal Mews, Historical Fiction complete at 60,000 words, is the story of an endangered breed UK stallion purchased by an American who planned to ship him to the US. Elizabeth II wanted the horse creating a royal cock-up.

When Gerald MacGrath won the grueling three day show turning his horse into a national treasure, he had no idea he was stepping from the winner’s circle into a showdown between heavyweights, the horse’s new American owner and the Queen of England.

The sale, hammered out before their big win, subject to breeding licence approval won’t complete until the Registry’s annual stallion inspection, and the horse passes. Debts Gerald’s father left must be paid smartly or the estate and chattels are going to be seized and auctioned. The stallion is chattel.

Gerald is stunned by the offer HM’s Secretary presents when he turns up at his farm. It is a sweet one, more money and no conditions. Gerald wrestles with collapsing the US sale. The royal purchase of his stallion, tantamount to stamping his foals with “By Appointment To” is priceless. Gerald isn’t sure how one could say “No, Your Majesty, I’m afraid you can’t have the horse.”

He manages it however. Completing the sale with the American is his only honorable choice. HM informs her Prime Minister she wants Pied Piper and please see to it. The Prime Minister, forced to act fast to avoid a news story involving Elizabeth II scrapping over a horse with a Yank, calls the President. The American won’t give the horse up. HM decided the horse will remain in Britain, at her stud. Gerald’s need for cash is urgent. The Prime Minister hopes the President has a better solution than his. He’d like to assassinate the horse.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

When Gerald MacGrath won the Royal Mews, turning his horse into a national treasure, he had no idea he was stepping from the winner’s circle into a showdown between the horse’s new American owner and the Queen of England.

The sale was hammered out before the big win, and it will free Gerald from his father's debts. However, Her Majesty's Secretary just presented Gerald with a better deal, not to mention the prestige of being able to claim the queen as a customer. Completing the sale with the American is the only honorable choice, but Gerald isn't sure how one says, "No, Your Majesty; you can't have the horse."

He manages it. Unfortunately, the queen isn't familiar with the word "no," and she informs the Prime Minister that she wants that horse, and please see to it.

While the Prime Minister scrambles to keep the story out of the news, and goads the U.S. President to intercede as well, Gerald's need for cash grows urgent. Neither Her Majesty nor the American will back down, and the only solution anyone has proposed is one that will financially ruin Gerald.

Furthermore, it's being proposed by someone who also isn't familiar with the word "no." The Prime Minister has decided it's time to assassinate Gerald's horse.

The Royal Mews, a historical fiction, is complete at 60,000 words. It tells the story of a UK stallion, of endangered breed, purchased by an American who planned to ship him to the US. Elizabeth II wanted the horse, and a royal cock-up ensued.

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Query #44: "Before the Daisies Grow" by Micki

This query is from Micki for the novel Before the Daisies Grow. Thank you, Micki, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Toss the bloomers, get a bikini wax and slip into a thong: life begins at sixty-ish.

Dotty, Wilma and Nora accept Lucas’s invitation to holiday on the island of Brazzina, but have no idea of the dangers they face. Unbeknown to them, he is a drug baron with an ulterior motive.

Thank goodness for the chance meeting of Major Milestone, a yummy gentleman who has Dotty’s hormones doing the tango. Sadly for her, he has to rebuff her amorous advances when he learns their holiday plans coincide with his covert military operation on the island. As duty come first, his priority is to capture Lucas and his drug cartel, then destroy the islands opium plantations. The onus is now on him to provide his clandestine protection of the trio to avoid their slaughter. What he didn’t reckon on was Dotty discovering he’s their protector, nor her assumption he’s kidnapped them for devious deeds. Her harebrained escape plan nearly obstructs his covert mission. Furious, Milestone speculates these wretched women are indeed opium rookies for Lucas. When the truth is finally revealed, embarrassed Dotty tries to scheme on how to win Milestone heart: failing that, her high-speed vibrator will have to suffice.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Toss the bloomers, get a bikini wax and slip into a thong: life begins at sixty-ish.

Dotty, Wilma and Nora are going on holiday to the island of Brazzina. Unfortunately for them, their charming host Lucas is a drug baron who plans to use his silver beauties as opium mules.

Enter Major Milestone, a yummy gentleman who has Dotty’s heart doing the tango. Although he's going to Brazzina too, he keeps resisting her amorous advances, and it's giving Dotty the vapors. But after the Major [does something dramatic], Dotty realizes she and her friends have just been kidnapped, and it's up to her to engineer their escape. Dotty enacts a hare-brained scheme only to discover two things. One: she may be hot, but she's not so hot at fool-proof plans, and two: the Major was on a covert mission to capture Lucas and destroy the island's opium plantations.

With the mission near-scuppered and Milestone now suspicious the ladies are in cahoots with Lucas, Dotty must find some way to win her Major's heart back. If she doesn't, the soft Brazzina surf is going to be the only thing kissing her toes anytime soon!


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Query #43: "The Painted Queen" by Lee

This query is from Lee for the novel The Painted Queen. Thank you, Lee, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

When a cursed artifact sends Jocelyn Campbell careening back to 16th century Scotland, she thought her biggest problem was poofing it back to Oklahoma.

Turns out it’s not so simple—she’s in the Highlands because she’s got a cursed warrior queen’s soul. Prophesy says when the clan McKay is in great jeopardy, the spirit of Boadicea will be summoned across time and space to save the freakin’ day. Having a used soul is one thing. Having a cursed and doomed soul? Yeah, no thanks. Added to the fact Jocelyn’s a mocha-loving paramedic and not Lady Rambo, nothing is looking too promising. Enter Cayden MacKay, current owner of the ancient arm cuff that started this whole cluster. Prophesy or not, the only thing Jocelyn sees him in danger of is a sense of humor. Irritable as he is, it doesn’t take much to solicit his help in returning her to the future—STAT.

Luckily, Samhain, a time when the Fae and spirits freely walk the earth, is coming, and there might just be enough magick in the air to get her home. It would be that easy, but now all of clan Cameron has gathered to attack the MacKays, and it’s time for the prophesied warrior queen to deliver the knockout punch. Somehow. Faced with almost certain death, Jocelyn knows staying in this century isn’t much of an option…but then again, neither is her lonely existence in the 21st.

THE PAINTED QUEEN is an 95,000-word paranormal romance. It would appeal to the readers of Karen Marie Moning and Diana Gabaldon.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

When a cursed artifact sends Jocelyn Campbell careening into 16th century Scotland, she thought her biggest problem was poofing her way back to Oklahoma.

Turns out it’s not so simple. Jocelyn has a warrior queen’s soul, and prophesy says when the Clan McKay is in great jeopardy, Boadicea will be summoned across time and space to save the freakin’ day. Having a used soul is one thing, but a cursed and doomed soul? Yeah, no thanks. Jocelyn’s a mocha-loving paramedic, not Lady Rambo.

Enter Cayden MacKay, owner of the ancient arm cuff that slurped Jocelyn out of her comfortably-lonely 21st century life. Irritable as he is, the sparks--both romantic and acrimonious--flying between them are enough to solicit his help in returning Jocelyn to the future. And luckily, Samhain is coming, and there might be enough magick in the air to get her home.

It would be that simple, except now all of Clan Cameron has gathered to attack the MacKays, and it’s time for the prophesied warrior queen to deliver the knockout punch. Somehow. Faced with near-certain death, Jocelyn knows staying in this century isn’t much of an option…but coffee and Cayden long-dead no longer seems like a life worth living either.

THE PAINTED QUEEN is an 95,000-word paranormal romance. It would appeal to the readers of Karen Marie Moning and Diana Gabaldon.


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Query #42 - Untitled (YA novel) by Anonymous

This query is from an anonymous author for a YA novel. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

One humid October morning in 1998 in El Salvador, after hurricane Mitch has devastated the family farm, nine year-old Carlos is persuaded by his forceful older sister to trek two thousand miles to the United States in search of his parents. Carlos knows his parents, gone ahead, forbid it. He knows his sister isn’t always kind to him. But desperate to impress, he follows her right up to the moment, just a few miles into their journey along a ravaged, lonely road, when she abandons him.

This is the story of a family pushed to extremes. It’s about injustice, survival, and two children caught in a dangerous system. Carlos never thought his Papa’s advice had much to do with him. He thought his Papa’s avid interest in boxing mattered even less. But alone and guided only by an address scrawled on a scrap of paper, his Papa’s maxims and fascination with an up-and-coming young boxer, take on new meaning.

[Title] is a 38,000 word realistic YA (potential cross-over) novel.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

In October of 1998, after Hurricane Mitch devastates his family farm in El Salvador, nine-year-old Carlos' forceful older sister persuades him to trek two thousand miles to the United States. Carlos knows his parents, gone ahead, have forbidden this. He also knows his sister isn't always kind to him. What Carlos didn't know is she would abandon him on a ravaged, lonely road only a few miles into their journey.

Alone and guided only by an address scrawled on a scrap of paper, Carlos's memory of his papa's advice--which Carlos never thought had much to do with him--takes on a new meaning. Papa's maxims, as well as his fascination with an up-and-coming young boxer, give Carlos the heart and tenacity he needs to survive.

[Title] is a 38,000 word realistic YA novel with crossover potential.


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Query #41: "The Queen of Camp Respecto" (middle grade) by Anonymous

This query is from an anonymous author for the middle grade novel The Queen of Camp Respecto. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Eleven-year-old Typer Stockton doesn’t want to be labeled as a troublemaker. Unfortunately, the only time people pay attention to her is when she causes a scene. When she’s sent to the principal’s office on the last day of fifth grade, Typer hopes her parents will finally hear her out. Instead, they register her immediately for Camp Respecto, a “behavior camp” hours away from home. Her summer is doomed.

Camp Respecto totally bites at first, but as the weeks go by, Typer begins making friends and confiding in the counselors. She can hardly believe it: people are listening to her for once. But why hasn’t anybody listened before? How come her parents would rather drop her off at a lame old camp than give her a chance? Aided by her new friends, Typer sets out to find the truth behind why she’s at Camp Respecto—and that will require breaking some major camp rules.

THE QUEEN OF CAMP RESPECTO is a 37,000-word middle grade novel.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Eleven-year-old Typer Stockton doesn’t want to be a troublemaker, but the only time people pay attention to her is when she causes a scene. When she’s sent to the principal’s office on the last day of fifth grade, Typer hopes her parents will finally hear her out. Instead, they register her for Camp Respecto, a “behavior camp” hours from home.

At first, Camp Respecto totally bites, but as the weeks go by, Typer begins making friends and confiding in the counselors. People are listening to her for once! But why hasn’t anybody listened before?

Aided by her new friends, Typer sets out to find the truth behind why she’s at Camp Respecto—and that will require troublemaking like never before as she breaks some major camp rules.

THE QUEEN OF CAMP RESPECTO is a 37,000-word middle grade novel.


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Query #40: "The Girl in the Mirror" by Sara (YA Fantasy)

This query is from Sara for the YA fantasy The Girl in the Mirror. Thank you, Sara, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Daela Stark has no magic in her, a revelation which plunges her status from noble to the scrap on every beggar’s shoe. When she witnesses her half-brother’s kidnapping by an enemy long forgotten, no one believes her -- no one except Trey, her brother’s favorite smuggler and sometimes friend. But help is scarce, and even a coward who turned on his people’s faith to escape imprisonment is better than nothing.

With Trey as a guide, Daela tracks her brother into Ethra, the desolate world where Trey’s people have been incarcerated for centuries. There, they learn that the spell used to create Ethra has become unstable, and that the world itself is consuming its inhabitants. With death courting their every step, Daela finds herself growing closer to Trey, and must let go of her prejudices and realize that neither he nor his people are the vile monsters she’d grown up believing.

But getting into Ethra turns out to be the easy part. Now they have to get out, and Daela’s escape plan is still a work in progress. To make matters worse, Daela finds out that her brother’s kidnapper plans to sacrifice him in a dark ritual that will unravel the spell and free everyone from the lethal world. Daela must make a choice: let her brother die, or condemn a race she once despised to the same fate.

THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR is a 70,000 word YA fantasy with series potential.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

When Daela Stark witnesses her half-brother’s kidnapping by an enemy long forgotten, no one believes her except Trey, her brother’s favorite inter-dimensional smuggler.

With Trey as a guide, Daela tracks her brother into Ethra, the desolate world where Trey’s people have been incarcerated for centuries. She learns the spell used to create Ethra is unstable, and the world itself is consuming its inhabitants. Daela also realizes she's developing feelings for Trey, which makes her dilemma all the worse when she learns the kidnapper's plan is to sacrifice Daela's brother in a dark ritual that will unravel the spell and free everyone from Ethra. Daela can either let her brother die, or condemn Trey's people.

Even if she does the selfish thing, there's no guarantee she won't get Trey and her brother killed anyway. Getting into Ethra was the easy part. Daela hasn't admitted to anyone that her escape plan is still a work in progress.

THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR is a 70,000 word YA fantasy with series potential.


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Query #39: YA Novel by Anonymous

This query is from an anonymous author for a (YA, I think) novel with a secret title. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

As the only human and female in a pack of werewolves, Danika Keller has never felt like she belonged. Ever since she watched the class pet die and felt its bones breaking as if they were under her own skin. She hasn’t fit in at school or at home. 



When she meets a mysterious boy with a healing touch and a starving mountain lion talks to her, Dani begins to suspect she is something more than human.



But nothing could have prepared her for the truth – Dani is heir to the Animal Kingdom and is the key to ending a deadly thousand-year feud. Now Dani will discover how far she will go to save a broken realm and those she cares about, from an evil court and . . . choose between the love of two boys; a Prince whose marriage to will help end the war or a werewolf who has sworn to serve her.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

As the only human in a pack of werewolves, Danika Keller just doesn't belong. But when she meets a boy with a healing touch, and a starving mountain lion talks to her, Dani realizes she's more than she ever suspected.

Dani is heir to the Animal Kingdom. If she [doesn't get involved in stopping their big feud], [something awful happens, preferably to someone she has grown to like]. Dani [does something to try to help the situation], but [something goes wrong with that plan, which makes things worse.] She [tries something else to make things better], but [obstacles again arise, again making the situation even more dangerous.]

Now, Dani must [make some horrible choice or place herself/her loved ones in danger] or [something really awful happens to both her and her loved ones.]

(See the comments section for my suggestions on how to fill in the blanks!)


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