This query is from an anonymous writer for the novel The Privileged. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
(And my apologies, Anonymous, for the delay. I was out of town for the weekend and didn't keep up with my email as diligently as I'd intended!)
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ORIGINAL QUERY
The first day of school sucks. Jonathan Stevens didn’t know what to expect as he crossed the threshold into the chaos that is known as high school. Becoming a social outcast, getting lost in the halls, embarrassing himself over and over in front of cute girls and their boyfriends was definitely expected. Falling face first into a giant hole caused by an earthquake, not so much.
Waking up in the dark underbelly of the earth, Jonathan discovers he’s been kidnapped. Not just by anyone, but by a tightly wound sorceress who tells him he is an immortal, and he is being hunted. But Jonathan is not just any immortal. He’s been designed to be the ultimate immortal. The one person that will bring peace back into the immortal realm and save it from the evil overlord known simply as the Master.
Putting his trust in his kidnapper, Jonathan follows her into the immortal realm where he learns more about who he really is, and what purpose he was created for. Jonathan is the only hope left to purge the realm of the malevolence within its walls. He must find the strength and the will to trigger his power before the Master destroys him.
THE PRIVILEGED is a young adult paranormal fantasy complete at 80,000 words.
Thank you for your consideration.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
The first day of school sucks. Jonathan Stevens expected becoming a social outcast, getting lost in the halls, and embarrassing himself over and over in front of cute girls. But falling face-first into a giant hole caused by an earthquake? Not so much.
Waking in the underbelly of the earth, Jonathan discovers he’s been kidnapped by a tightly-wound sorceress who insists he is being hunted and is an immortal--but not just any immortal. Jonathan was designed to bring peace to the sorceress' realm by saving it from an overlord known as the Master.
Jonathan learns [something specific that deepens the story and raises the stakes]. [He tries to do something meaningful and is thwarted, which raises the stakes again.] He must find the strength and the will to [do something specific, but very difficult, where failure will mean disaster].
THE PRIVILEGED is a young adult paranormal fantasy complete at 80,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
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