This query is from J. Q. Trotter for the novel Vanishing Valerie. Thank you, Jacqueline, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
Valerie Latimer never knew her bio-parents, not that she cried herself to sleep about it. It would have been nice if they left a note with her as they ditched her at that orphanage. If they had, it would have given her a much needed heads up:
• Your violet-eyes mean you have a dash of demon blood in you. Don't worry; it was probably just your great-great-great-grandpa that was really a demon.
• Heaven and Hell are at war, though stuck in standstill. Once you turn fifteen, you'll have to pick a side.
• It's been foreseen you're a key to Hell's most powerful portal. That'll finally win us the war. Do me proud, kido.
Nope, Valerie has to learn all this in a one-day crash course. At least the stranger turns out to be of angelic descendent and rather handsome, albeit an egocentric asshole. Regardless of her heritage, she's given the free will to choose her side.
She's compelled to do the opposite of what her demon blood tells her to do and picks Heaven. Too bad a girl with a coveted Hell trait could never be trusted by angels. If only she knew, she might have just gone back to being the Latimers' violet-eyed freak forever instead of trying her luck at Heaven's academy for talented descendants.
VANISHING VALIERE is a 87,000 YA fantasy.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
Valerie Latimer never knew her bio-parents, but it would have been nice if they left a note when they ditched her at that orphanage. It would have given her a much-needed heads up that:
• Your violet eyes mean you have a dash of demon blood. Don't worry; it was probably just your great-great-great-grandpa.
• Heaven and Hell are at war. When you turn fifteen, you have to pick a side.
• It's foretold you're a key to Hell's most powerful portal, and that'll finally win us the war. Do us proud, kiddo.
Instead, Valerie learns all this in a one-day crash course from a rather handsome, albeit egocentric asshole of a stranger of angelic descendent. She's given the free will to choose her side, and Valerie does the opposite of what her demon blood tells her and picks Heaven.
Too bad a girl with a coveted Hell trait could never be trusted by angels. In Heaven's academy for talented descendants [she comes up against obstacles, discovers some great danger, and is forced to act to avert a catastrophe.]
VANISHING VALERIE is an 87,000-word YA fantasy.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
Valerie Latimer never knew her bio-parents, not that she cried herself to sleep about it. It would have been nice if they left a note with her as they ditched her at that orphanage. If they had, it would have given her a much needed heads up:
• Your violet-eyes mean you have a dash of demon blood in you. Don't worry; it was probably just your great-great-great-grandpa that was really a demon.
• Heaven and Hell are at war, though stuck in standstill. Once you turn fifteen, you'll have to pick a side.
• It's been foreseen you're a key to Hell's most powerful portal. That'll finally win us the war. Do me proud, kido.
Nope, Valerie has to learn all this in a one-day crash course. At least the stranger turns out to be of angelic descendent and rather handsome, albeit an egocentric asshole. Regardless of her heritage, she's given the free will to choose her side.
She's compelled to do the opposite of what her demon blood tells her to do and picks Heaven. Too bad a girl with a coveted Hell trait could never be trusted by angels. If only she knew, she might have just gone back to being the Latimers' violet-eyed freak forever instead of trying her luck at Heaven's academy for talented descendants.
VANISHING VALIERE is a 87,000 YA fantasy.
~~~~~~~
GOBLIN-EDIT
Valerie Latimer never knew her bio-parents, but it would have been nice if they left a note when they ditched her at that orphanage. It would have given her a much-needed heads up that:
• Your violet eyes mean you have a dash of demon blood. Don't worry; it was probably just your great-great-great-grandpa.
• Heaven and Hell are at war. When you turn fifteen, you have to pick a side.
• It's foretold you're a key to Hell's most powerful portal, and that'll finally win us the war. Do us proud, kiddo.
Instead, Valerie learns all this in a one-day crash course from a rather handsome, albeit egocentric asshole of a stranger of angelic descendent. She's given the free will to choose her side, and Valerie does the opposite of what her demon blood tells her and picks Heaven.
Too bad a girl with a coveted Hell trait could never be trusted by angels. In Heaven's academy for talented descendants [she comes up against obstacles, discovers some great danger, and is forced to act to avert a catastrophe.]
VANISHING VALERIE is an 87,000-word YA fantasy.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
Also, I'd be delighted if you would please help draw more commenters to the site by mentioning this post to your online friends. Thank you!
