Query #52: "A Drive of Dragons" by Mary-J-59 (middle grade fantasy)

This query is from Mary-J-59 for the novel A Drive of Dragons. Thank you, Mary-J-59, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

At nearly fourteen, Verity is old enough to know that being a princess isn’t all honey and roses and beautiful horses. Princesses and princes must protect their people, too. When fire-breathing dragons invaded the kingdom of Patria generations earlier, only the princess could make them vanish. But no one knows exactly how, for that legendary princess vanished along with the dragons.

Now huge, fire-breathing lizards have invaded once more, and Verity knows she confront them. After she escapes from the palace and finds her way to the mountains, she meets young prince Frank of Halland, a country she’s never heard of which is also beset by dragons. The two teens come across a little dragon who tells them why the dragons are devouring people’s crops. A powerful, greedy dragon called Blackstone is hoarding all their food, and they’re starving. Verity hopes most sincerely that Blackstone doesn’t enjoy munching on maidens of royal blood, but she’s got to face him even if he wants to eat her. If she can’t persuade Blackstone to change his ways, the other dragons and the people of Patria and Halland will all suffer. It’s up to her to rescue everyone from the wicked Blackstone. But, as far as she knows, her only weapons are her sharp mind, her sense of duty, and a pair of embroidery scissors. And – that other princess never came back.

A Drive of Dragons is middle-grade fiction, complete at 35,000 words. Verity and Frank are the viewpoint characters. This story should appeal to readers who like classic tales such as The Reluctant Dragon and Farmer Giles of Ham. I hope readers of Cressida Cowell’s wonderful series will enjoy A Drive of Dragons, too. I look forward to hearing from you.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

At nearly fourteen, Verity knows being a princess isn’t all roses and beautiful horses. Princesses must protect their people, too. Generations ago, fire-breathing dragons invaded Verity's kingdom, and a legendary princess made them vanish. But no one knows how, for the princess vanished along with the dragons. Now Verity must figure out what that princess did, because the dragons are back.

Verity escapes from her lizard-besieged palace and finds her way to the mountains, where she meets young prince Frank. His country is also beset by dragons, and the two teens meet a little dragon who tells them why the dragons are devouring people’s crops. A greedy dragon called Blackstone is hoarding all their food, and they’re starving.

Verity hopes Blackstone doesn’t enjoy munching on royal maidens, but she’s got to face him even if he does. It’s up to her to rescue everyone, and her only weapons are her sharp mind, her sense of duty, and a pair of embroidery scissors. But working against Verity are her fears--because that other princess never came back!

A Drive of Dragons is middle-grade fiction, complete at 35,000 words. This story will appeal to readers who enjoy classic tales like The Reluctant Dragon and Farmer Giles of Ham, and to readers of Cressida Cowell’s wonderful How to Train Your Dragon series. I look forward to hearing from you.


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Query #51: "A Question of Faith" by Anonymous (YA Paranormal)

This query is from an anonymous author for the YA paranormal novel A Question of Faith. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Fifteen-year-old Crystal Miller isn’t a Bible thumper, but how can she not believe in God when He answers nearly all of her prayers? Learning her birthmother sought the help of witches to conceive her shakes her previously unwavering faith. Since curiosity isn't a sin, she tracks down the witches and learns she's the incarnation of magic. Supposedly, that makes her the only person whose magical potential is limitless.

Crystal can’t believe her birthmother fell for such nonsense and vows to forget about magic, but when her boyfriend’s mom is seriously injured, she’s tempted to do more than just pray. Surely God won’t mind if she’s using magic to help people. After her boyfriend's mother miraculously recovers, Crystal doesn't know who saved her. Despite worrying her magic will damn her to Hell or, worse, that she doesn’t even have a soul to condemn, she sets out to master her power. Unfortunately, flying and playing with fireballs attracts dangerous attention. When a witch hunter captures her boyfriend and shamans snatch her aunt in an effort to control her, Crystal can no longer ignore who she really is. But she’s still new to magic and if she can't figure out what she's capable of, forget about saving those she loves--she just might start the apocalypse.

A QUESTION OF FAITH is an 87,000-word YA paranormal novel with series potential.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Fifteen-year-old Crystal Miller isn’t a Bible thumper, but how can she not believe in God when He answers nearly all her prayers? However, when she learns her birthmother sought the help of witches to conceive her, Crystal's previously unwavering faith is shaken. She tracks down the witches and learns she's the incarnation of magic. Supposedly, that makes her the only person whose magical potential is limitless.

Which means when her boyfriend’s mom is seriously injured, Crystal's tempted to do more than just pray. Surely God won’t mind her using magic to help people? But the woman's miraculous recovery leaves Crystal wondering who really saved her. She also worries magic will damn her to Hell or, worse, prove Crystal has no soul to condemn.

[Something happens to make her decide to] master her power, but flying and playing with fireballs attracts dangerous attention. A witch hunter captures her boyfriend, and shamans snatch her aunt in an effort to control Crystal. She might be still be new to magic, but Crystal needs to figure out what she's capable of, because if she doesn't, she won't merely fail to save those she loves--she might just start the apocalypse.

A QUESTION OF FAITH is an 87,000-word YA paranormal novel with series potential.


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Query #50: "Blame It On Meryl" by Anonymous (women's fiction)

This query is from an anonymous author for the women's fiction novel Blame It On Meryl. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

No matter how hard Laura Sanders, the heroine of my completed 97,250-word women’s fiction manuscript, BLAME IT ON MERYL, pretends to lead a glamorous life - working as a TV producer, living in a luxury condo in Los Angeles and travelling the world - the shame of being a virgin at age 28 makes it all meaningless. She’s resigned to live a dull, uneventful life in the company of a few close friends and her disinterested cat. Then she sees Mamma Mia and - wham! - Laura feels as if Meryl Streep dances off the screen to wake her from her slumber. The actress plays the role with such energy and gusto, exactly what has been missing in Laura’s life.

If only Laura could have Meryl Streep in her life; surely she could guide her to a place where such joy is possible. But what if she can? Laura invents a fantasy starring herself as the intern set photographer for Mamma Mia. It gives her a chance to live the fun and exciting life of a Hollywood movie set and more importantly, access to Meryl’s wisdom and friendship. Back in reality things aren’t so bad either. Laura gets a promotion that brings her into Natalie’s and Vera’s orbit. These women are a different species to her. Whereas she and her best friend Sophia know every Danish director of the dogma movement, Natalie and Vera know every variety of vibrator on the market. Now with Meryl at her side, Laura has the confidence to move in their circle without fear of being caught as the loser that she knows she is.

Seeing herself through the eyes of an imaginary Meryl Streep, Laura learns to accept and love herself. She embarks on a journey to discover her own sexuality. But soon her fantasy world becomes too appealing and Laura begins to lose touch with her reality. Will she be able to take what she learns from her fantasy life and rediscover the very real possibility of love that awaits her? Or will she lose touch forever?

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Laura Sanders produces TV in Los Angeles, lives in a luxury condo, and travels the world, but her glamorous life feels like a sham because Laura is also a 28-year-old virgin with few friends and an emotionally distant cat. She's resigned to her dull, lonely existence, so it's a shock when reality isn't the thing that finally wakes Laura up -- fantasy is.

The film Mamma Mia hits Laura like a stampede of ABBA fans, with Meryl Streep seeming to dance off the screen to show Laura all the joy and passion her own life lacks. Laura begins fantasizing about being an intern on the movie set, enjoying the fun of Hollywood while benefiting from Meryl's wisdom and friendship. Then Laura's reality takes an exciting turn too.

A promotion draws her into a new circle of friends -- ones more likely to discuss vibrators than Danish directors. With imaginary-Meryl by her side, Laura has the confidence to move into their ranks without fear of being caught out as the loser she knows she is. She begins exploring her sexuality and reawakens to the possibility that love awaits her, but Laura also finds her bright daydreams have a dark side.

For fantasies are more intoxicating than reality, and Laura is starting to get lost in hers. If she doesn't start taking what she's learned from her imaginary life, and using it to connect with real people soon, Laura is in danger of losing touch with reality permanently.

BLAME IT ON MERYL is a 97,000-word women's fiction novel. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.


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Query #49: "The Unity" by BubbleGumBetch

This query is from BubbleGumBetch for the novel The Unity. Thank you, BubbleGumBetch, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

20-year-old Marina Sonamreg has a lot on her shoulders: the death of her Gran, getting rid of her sleazy boyfriend Flenn, figuring out if she should go to University or not, and as you can see the list goes on. On top of all of that, Marina is convinced she is the only person that can see the strange activity occurring in the Unity, which is the tight-knit society she lives in: teenage kids are destructing public property, purple-masked figures running around the streets, and gas leaks are all re-occuring events that no one else seems to notice except for Marina.

Frequent nightmares are blending in with reality, which leaves Marina confused about what is real and what might be a result of her delusions. Even her best friend Nia advises her to seek help, and as the alienation from her friends makes her start to feel like she is going mental, Marina falls in love with a tall, blue-eyed boy named Taite. As a member of the “Guardians” protection system, Taite sees and knows about the problems that occur on the "Border" wall and he slowly begins to tell Marina that something supernatural is trying to break into their world—and it might be too late before Marina can do anything to stop it.

I have written my debut novel entitled "The Unity," which is a humorous Young Adult, Romance novel that has soft elements of Sci-Fi, and runs at 98,000 words. I believe it will appeal to readers who love fast-paced stories that are suspenseful, and although she is in the process of figuring out herself, Marina is a strong, independent girl that has the potential to serve as a great role model for women of all ages.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

20-year-old Marina Sonamreg is convinced she's the only person who can see the strange activity in the Unity, the tight-knit society she lives in. Teenage kids are destroying public property, purple-masked figures run in the streets, and gas leaks keep erupting, but no one except Marina seems to notice.

No one but Taite, the tall, blue-eyed boy who serves with the "Guardians" protection system. Taite tells Marina something supernatural is trying to break into the Unity, and it might be too late to stop it.

[Here, you need more description of the plot. What can Marina do to help the situation, and what does she try to do? What gets in her way? How do those obstacles make the situation worse? And finally, what's the worst situation Marina will find herself in? What will be at stake? What will be her choices? (Also, try to weave in how Taite becomes a love interest, since you state this is a romance.)]

THE UNITY is a 98,000-word Young Adult romance. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.


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Query # 48: Untitled by Anonymous (YA fantasy)

This query is from an anonymous writer for (I think) a YA Fantasy novel. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

The first rule is to fear the witches. Seventeen-year-old Princess Elise knows she should, especially after the bloody Witches’ Revolution. But there are things that frighten her much, much more.

The second rule is to stay away from the witches. Elise can’t do that anymore. Her father has just made one his queen.

The third rule is to never, ever cross the witches. Now it’s too late. When her eleven older brothers get in the way of the new queen’s scheme to destroy their country, they're turned into swans. Elise is the only one to escape the queen – and their only hope.

Saving them means risking her life. Worse, it means breaking the only rules she’s ever bothered to follow.

But then again, some rules are made to be broken.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

The first rule is fear the witches. Seventeen-year-old Princess Elise knows she should, especially after the bloody Witches’ Revolution, but there are things that frighten her far, far more.

The second rule is stay away from the witches. Elise can’t do that anymore. Her father just made one his queen.

The third rule is never, ever cross the witches, but now it’s too late. Her brothers got in the way of the queen’s scheme to destroy their country, and she turned them into swans. Elise is the only one to escape. She's their only hope.

Saving them means breaking the only rules she’s ever bothered to follow. Saving them means risking her life and her nation's future.

But not saving them is not an option.


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Query #47: "Vanishing Valerie" by J. Q. Trotter (YA Fantasy)

This query is from J. Q. Trotter for the novel Vanishing Valerie. Thank you, Jacqueline, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

Valerie Latimer never knew her bio-parents, not that she cried herself to sleep about it. It would have been nice if they left a note with her as they ditched her at that orphanage. If they had, it would have given her a much needed heads up:

• Your violet-eyes mean you have a dash of demon blood in you. Don't worry; it was probably just your great-great-great-grandpa that was really a demon.
• Heaven and Hell are at war, though stuck in standstill. Once you turn fifteen, you'll have to pick a side.
• It's been foreseen you're a key to Hell's most powerful portal. That'll finally win us the war. Do me proud, kido.

Nope, Valerie has to learn all this in a one-day crash course. At least the stranger turns out to be of angelic descendent and rather handsome, albeit an egocentric asshole. Regardless of her heritage, she's given the free will to choose her side.

She's compelled to do the opposite of what her demon blood tells her to do and picks Heaven. Too bad a girl with a coveted Hell trait could never be trusted by angels. If only she knew, she might have just gone back to being the Latimers' violet-eyed freak forever instead of trying her luck at Heaven's academy for talented descendants.

VANISHING VALIERE is a 87,000 YA fantasy.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

Valerie Latimer never knew her bio-parents, but it would have been nice if they left a note when they ditched her at that orphanage. It would have given her a much-needed heads up that:

• Your violet eyes mean you have a dash of demon blood. Don't worry; it was probably just your great-great-great-grandpa.
• Heaven and Hell are at war. When you turn fifteen, you have to pick a side.
• It's foretold you're a key to Hell's most powerful portal, and that'll finally win us the war. Do us proud, kiddo.

Instead, Valerie learns all this in a one-day crash course from a rather handsome, albeit egocentric asshole of a stranger of angelic descendent. She's given the free will to choose her side, and Valerie does the opposite of what her demon blood tells her and picks Heaven.

Too bad a girl with a coveted Hell trait could never be trusted by angels. In Heaven's academy for talented descendants [she comes up against obstacles, discovers some great danger, and is forced to act to avert a catastrophe.]

VANISHING VALERIE is an 87,000-word YA fantasy.


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Query #46: "The Ill-Advised Adventures of El Halston" by Anonymous

This query is from an anonymous author for the YA novel The Ill-Advised Adventures of El Halston. Thank you, Anonymous, for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!

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ORIGINAL QUERY

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders sat in a pile of broken binding on El Halston’s bedroom floor. After scanning chapter six, “Symptoms of Functional Psychosis,” she’d launched the book across the room and watched it fall with a guilty satisfaction, a satisfaction immediately replaced by fear. El knew what the head librarian was capable of. And she had all the symptoms.

Exhibit A: Hallucinations. Seeing a five-hundred-year old oak tree decked out in pink neon on her morning bus ride probably qualified.

Exhibit B: Erratic Behavior. Asking the kid who’d appeared on her dead-end country road, the one who saved her from death by garden hose, the one whose story added up to not much, if he could see said glowing tree. She was sure that qualified.

Exhibit C: Delusional Thinking. Assuming she could clear her friend Alex of a crime he didn’t commit, involving nine hundred bucks he didn’t steal, based on some mysterious directive from a girl named Samantha Beacon whom she’d never meet. Yep, one hundred percent certifiable. She’d give the psych ward a call in the morning.

Exhibit D: Anxiety. Heck yeah she was anxious. She had to call the psych ward in the morning. And she had no idea how to categorize the madness of her dreams, or the fact that her best friend Jess was dreaming them too.

THE ILL-ADVISED ADVENTURES OF EL HALSTON is my debut YA novel, word count 101,000. Wrapped inside the story is the transcription of a Civil War era diary written by a girl with ties to Halston family land. The diary fills in a few blanks about El’s recurring dreams and the odd talents of the oak tree.

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GOBLIN-EDIT

On her bus ride to school, El Halston sees a five-hundred-year-old oak tree glowing, but that's just the start of the weirdness.

Soon, she's saved from death-by-garden-hose by a boy whose story doesn't add up to much, and then El starts getting advice from a dead girl on how to clear her friend of a crime. When El learns that she and her pal Jess are sharing the same crazy dreams, El decides it's time to get to the bottom of the mystery.

El [chooses to do something.] [Something goes wrong with her plan, making things worse.] [She attempts a new plan.] [Something goes wrong with the new plan, making things worse again.] [Repeat the plan/obstacle/stakes-rise progression as necessary.]

[To fix her life,] El [must make a choice between two courses of action, both of which pose grave threats to either herself or something she loves.]

THE ILL-ADVISED ADVENTURES OF EL HALSTON is a 101,000-word YA novel. Thank you for your consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.


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