This query is from Amy for the novel Redemption. Thank you Amy for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
BANE THOMAS knows a thing or two about demons; in fact, as soon as they succeed in killing him, he'll become one. Which is why an Armistice Zone, an area of land where demons can do no harm, would be a god send, and rumor has it twenty-year-old REIGHLYN ANDERSON has such a zone somewhere on her property. The problem is--she's not selling!
Bane finances Reighlyn's crisis center in hopes to persuade her to sell, but instead falls in love with her. After Reighlyn witnesses what can only be explained as reading minds, manipulating thoughts, and super human powers, its clear there's something different about Bane, but she doesn't care; she's in love with him. That is--until she discovers he's the capitalist pig after her land and throws him out on his ass, love or not.
In an attempt to explain his deceit, Bane reveals a secret he's never told anyone; he's a descendant of The Watchers. But with that truth come dangers, and soon a punished demon arrives, determined to use Reighlyn's death as a means to gain Satan's forgiveness. And after a successful kidnapping, Bane's in a race against time and a battle against evil to rescue the one person he never thought could literally exist--his soul mate.
REDEMPTION is a complete 93,000-word Paranormal Romance. At your request, I'd be happy to provide sample chapters and a more detailed synopsis. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
If the demons kill Bane Thomas, he'll become one of them, and that's why he needs control of the Armistice Zone, a place where demons lose their power. Unfortunately, Reighlyn Anderson owns that land, and she isn't selling it to a capitalist pig like Bane.
Hoping to pressure the young woman, Bane bankrolls the crisis center Reighlyn runs, but he soon finds himself more interested in romance than finance. Reighlyn buckles to their attraction too, despite her growing suspicion that Bane can read minds and manipulate thought. But while super-human powers aren't enough to derail their passion, dishonesty is. Reighlyn discovers Bane is the jerk after her land, and she throws him out on his ass, love or not.
Realizing Reighlyn is not just a way to save his soul, but the love of his life too, Bane comes clean about his otherworldly ancestry. However, this secret proves too dangerous to reveal outside the Armistice Zone, and a demon kidnaps Reighlyn in hope of snaring Bane and earning Satan's reward. Bane realizes he must stop running and face the demons if he wants to rescue the one person he never knew existed--his soul-mate.
Redemption is a complete 93,000 word paranormal romance. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.
Goblin Caveat: Some elements that may not be accurate for the novel have been added to this edited version of the query.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion!
