This query is from Sara Jane Wade for the novel Thrice-Born. Thank you Sara for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
I would like you to consider my YA urban fantasy, THRICE-BORN, complete at 60,000 words.
Seventeen years old Andra’s life is full. On top of dealing with the aftermath of drunken sex with the best friend whose advances she’d previously rejected, concealing the growing pain caused by her fractured soul, she also has to make a choice that will determine her standing in Octavian society. As a mere Initiate, she is powerless until she makes her Offering and chooses a Discipline: the spiritual Dyaus who sacrifice a piece of their spirit at the risk of madness, or the immoral but powerful Prithvi, who offer blood.
Andra’s life takes a dramatic turn when a mercenary Disciple attacks her astral twin, Andy, and stabs him with a cursed dagger. If she can’t destroy the spell draining his life, her brother will die in twelve hours. Complications arise as Andra finds out that the Disciple holding the spell is her best friend’s estranged mother, the Prithvi Priestess Alazne. Andra and the rest of her friends battle time, family, and secrets best left buried as they risk everything to save Andy, and stumble in the middle of an assassination plot that could throw their society back into war.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
Seventeen-year-old Andra is supposed to be preparing for the most important decision of her life, and instead she's mopping up the embarrassment caused by her stupidest one. While her focus should be on choosing a magical discipline within the powerful Octavian society, instead Andra is desperately avoiding her best friend [NAME] so she doesn't have to discuss that drunk sex they had.
However, when a mercenary attacks Andra's astral brother, and leaves him snared in a spell that will drain his life force within twelve hours, Andra realizes she needs [NAME]'s help more than she needs her false dignity. Unfortunately, 'awkward' doesn't begin to describe their interactions after Andra discovers it's [NAME]'s mother who is draining her astral brother's life.
Caught between suspicion and friendship, budding desire and sore regret, Andra and [NAME] battle to save her brother's life, and in the process, they discover an assassination plot that could plunge the Octavian society into a war that initiates like Andra probably won't survive.
THRICE-BORN, a YA urban fantasy, is complete at 60,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Goblin Caveat: Some elements that may not be accurate for the novel have been added to this edited version of the query.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
