This query is from Angela for the novel White Blood. Thank you Angela for the honour of allowing me to work on and post this!
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ORIGINAL QUERY
When she hears the king’s daughter is pregnant and seeks to hire a wet-nurse, Maryn has no reason to apply for the job. She adores her life as a talented craftsman’s wife and delights in her infant son.
All that changes the morning fire rips through her home and destroys everything Maryn loves. Nursing newborn Prince Barilan can’t replace what she’s lost, but at least it will allow her to earn a living.
But instead of providing the security Maryn hopes for, her new position thrusts her into danger. Prince Carlich, the king’s charismatic second son, schemes to quietly eliminate his older brother. His attempt goes disastrously wrong, leaving a trail of bodies, the king dead, and Carlich a fugitive. In a desperate bid to salvage his hopes for power, Carlich seizes Maryn and Barilan as hostages.
On the run with Carlich, held prisoner by his blood sorcery, Maryn struggles to escape and find a way to save her kingdom from civil war. One thing might stop Carlich--he needs the magical Kingship Barilan has inherited to rally the people to his side. A spell prevents Carlich from killing the baby, so he seeks Maryn’s aid.
Maryn must choose: will she defy her captor, protect the child she has come to love, and risk attempting the sorcery that can defeat Carlich? Or will she give in to his bribery?
For Carlich offers her the one thing she cannot refuse--her own son’s life restored in exchange for Barilan’s soul.
My fantasy novel WHITE BLOOD is complete at 106,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
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GOBLIN-EDIT
Nursing the newborn Prince Barilan won’t replace what Maryn has lost--a husband and infant son--but at least it will allow her to earn a living. That security disintegrates, however, when the king's charismatic second son, Prince Carlich, botches a grab for the throne and must seize Maryn and Barilan as hostages to save his own life.
On the run with Carlich, and held prisoner by his blood sorcery, Maryn struggles to protect the now-ascended infant king. Carlich still has plans, of course. If he can hijack the magical Kingship Barilan has inherited, he can rally the people to his side and salvage his bid for power. A spell prevents Carlich from killing the baby--but Maryn can help him circumvent that.
Maryn defies her captor's cajolery and threats, determined to protect the child she has come to love. However, when Carlich promises Maryn the one thing she doesn't think she can bear to refuse--her own son's life restored in exchange for Barilan's soul--the kingdom's future hinges on a battle between a mother's love and a woman's strength of will.
My completed 106,000 word fantasy, WHITE BLOOD, is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Have any thoughts about either the original or the re-written query? Please join the discussion in the comment thread!
